As the nights draw in and the days on the calendar hurtle towards December, most of us are starting to plan. Making lists, sorting meals, buying gifts – it’s all part of the fun festivities. But for many, there's another plan that needs to be made  - how to manage the grief of a lost loved one. Since Christmas is a time for family gatherings, it can bring up a lot of complex feelings and grief for those who are no longer with us, even if we lost them some time ago. Grief like this is a totally normal part of life, which is why it's important to embrace it, rather than repress it. To try and make this festive season a little easier, we wanted to share some tips around how to make space for grief at Christmas, and make it a positive part of the celebrations. 

Talk About It 

We Brits tend to be pretty reserved about death, especially when it comes to discussing it. We shy away, hiding behind euphemisms or just not sharing our feelings. But we know how important it is to talk about those we miss having around us. That doesn’t mean you need to talk to a professional – a friend, family member or even a stranger can provide some great comfort and insight. Grief shouldn't be put aside just because it's Christmas. Instead, make some time to share memories of your loved ones. Share a story, reflect on your feelings of missing someone, or ask others around you how they're feeling about the absence of your loved ones. Stop grief from being a taboo subject, and instead take comfort in talking to the people around you. 

Have Tangible Reminders 

Sometimes having a tangible reminder of a lost loved one can be a way to acknowledge and own your grief - and to trigger some happy memories. This is a much healthier way to manage than suppressing your feelings or memories, and gives you an opportunity to enjoy the fond memories in a positive light.

This suggestion might leave, you feeling confused, or not sure what sort of thing to use. So here are a few ideas:

• A decoration that reminds you of them hanging on the tree. 
• A snow globe with their photograph inside. 
• Singing their favourite Christmas song 
• Cook or bake a specific food they used to like. 

All of these are small, tangible ways to remember your loved ones, creating a unique tribute to keep their memory alive.

Surround Yourself With Community 

Grief is hard enough to manage, without trying to do it all alone. But grief has a unique way of making us feel cut off, isolated and with nowhere to turn. Knowing where you can find support and community can make all the difference. Whether you find solace in family, friends, community groups, online forums or even bereavement charities, having someone to share your feelings with helps. You might not even be looking for someone to 'bear-all' to, but just some company during the quiet moments. For the last 7 years comedian Sarah Millican has hosted #Join in on Twitter/X on Christmas day, giving people an international safe space to talk. Even something as small as this can bring some comfort over the festive period. 

Make Space In Nature 

Nature is much more than just a nice place to be. It has amazing healing qualities, nurturing both body and soul. We've talked before about the numerous benefits to spending time outdoors - lowering stress, improving mental health, reducing blood pressure and releasing a boatload of happy hormones. But it also allows you to create a space to remain in the present moment, so finding your way outside for a while at Christmas could give you some breathing space, allowing you to grieve in a way that isn’t so overwhelming. 

Nature can also give us solace and hope. An old saying goes – Robins appear when loved ones are near – so maybe try and spot their vibrant redbreast on a wintery walk. Maybe you find hope in rainbows, or simply enjoy the sound of leaves crunching underfoot. Nature is the perfect place to pause and reflect, practice mindfulness and even meditate. 

Allow Yourself to Feel it

This is one of the most significant things you can do, and yet it’s the one most of us will find the most difficult, and that’s to give yourself permission to feel your feelings. It’s alright to feel multiple things at once, and you can both feel and acknowledge grief while still experiencing moments of joy during the festive season. Let a little Christmas magic in, and remember that life is both beautiful and painful. 

We know that the festive season can be a challenge, but you don’t have to do it alone. With Melp, you have access to a range of tools, techniques, articles and videos to provide you with support through difficult times. It’s like having a therapist in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need them. Or if you would like to know more about what we can offer, click here.